A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure, I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
(you're gonna love this)
(its a real treat)
The bank manager looks back at her and says....
"It's a knicknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are.....)
Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!
1
jokes and humour
Started by
Guest_ice maiden_*
, Nov 22 2005 04:24 PM
-
This topic is locked
372 replies to this topic
#2
Harlequin
-
- Best UK Moderators
-
- 15,206 posts
The Fallen One
Posted 22 November 2005 - 04:31 PM
I think the manager was more more likely to tell the frog to "Hop it".
#3
lordi rock
-
- New Members
-
- 833 posts
V.I.P
Posted 22 November 2005 - 04:53 PM
Gd one Ice maiden. That got me laughing. 
#4
BrazenBabe
-
- New Members
-
- 4,188 posts
Platinum Member
Posted 22 November 2005 - 06:13 PM
I giggled then copied pasted and mailed it to a few friends 
#5
Dream
-
- Members
-
- 3,844 posts
Platinum Member
Posted 27 November 2005 - 12:55 PM
A Horse goes into a Bar. The Barman says "Why the long Face?" 
#7
Dream
-
- Members
-
- 3,844 posts
Platinum Member
Posted 27 November 2005 - 01:16 PM
Oh Dear!
Because he couldn't tell the difference between a Horse with a long Face and one of his regular Customers Master-X
Because he couldn't tell the difference between a Horse with a long Face and one of his regular Customers Master-X
#9
rhysbear
-
- New Members
-
- 3 posts
Newbie
Posted 05 December 2005 - 02:34 PM
desperate to have something to cheer me up 
#10
ciderking
-
- New Members
-
- 4 posts
Newbie
Posted 05 December 2005 - 02:41 PM
how does santa like his pizzas?
deep pan crisp and even
deep pan crisp and even
#11
lostintibet
-
- New Members
-
- 7 posts
Newbie
Posted 05 December 2005 - 02:44 PM
What's the difference between snow men and snow women???
SNOW BALLS!!!
SNOW BALLS!!!
#12 Guest_ice maiden_*
Guest_ice maiden_*
-
- Guests
Posted 05 December 2005 - 06:41 PM
A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
#13
Aoife
-
- New Members
-
- 1,072 posts
God
Posted 15 December 2005 - 12:42 AM
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate. All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong" asks the mother. "I was taking pee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking pee and this bullet came out". Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. "It's okay" says the mom, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out." "No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog."
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
1 can of Soup For One
1 16oz can of Miller Lite
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?"
The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?"
He replies, "Because you're ugly."
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
1 can of Soup For One
1 16oz can of Miller Lite
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?"
The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?"
He replies, "Because you're ugly."
#14
I am the devil
-
- Members
-
- 1,109 posts
Come to the Dark side we have Cookies.
Posted 26 December 2005 - 11:22 PM
A few years ago, a young priest went to work in an Abby and his first job was to copy the ancient scriptures of the Bible by hand. One day he noticed a problem. All the priests, who were doing the same thing, were making copies from other copies and he went to the head Abbot and told him about it.
" Father..." The young priest explained, "If there was just one mistake made then it's been repeated over and over again!"
The head Abbot thanked the priest for noticing the problem and disappeared. Hours later, when no one had seen him all day, the worried priest went searching and finally found him sobbing over the original text, which had been locked away in the Monasteries safe for centuries.
" We forgot the "R"!" He kept saying, over and over.
The young priest was somewhat taken aback at his distress and said;
"Father, what's wrong?"
Tearfully, the old Abbot looked up and said;
" The word was celebrate!" not celibate!!!!!!!!!
" Father..." The young priest explained, "If there was just one mistake made then it's been repeated over and over again!"
The head Abbot thanked the priest for noticing the problem and disappeared. Hours later, when no one had seen him all day, the worried priest went searching and finally found him sobbing over the original text, which had been locked away in the Monasteries safe for centuries.
" We forgot the "R"!" He kept saying, over and over.
The young priest was somewhat taken aback at his distress and said;
"Father, what's wrong?"
Tearfully, the old Abbot looked up and said;
" The word was celebrate!" not celibate!!!!!!!!!
#15
I am the devil
-
- Members
-
- 1,109 posts
Come to the Dark side we have Cookies.
Posted 30 December 2005 - 09:30 PM
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.
She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.
She approached one of the women for an explanation. 'This is marvelous,' said the journalist. 'What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?'
The Kuwaiti women replied, 'Land mines.
She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.
She approached one of the women for an explanation. 'This is marvelous,' said the journalist. 'What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?'
The Kuwaiti women replied, 'Land mines.
0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users
