127 replies to this topic

[I am the devil]

Blonde "LOGIC"



Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench
talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is
farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see
Florida...?????"

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic
it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.


She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act
together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you
expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I
get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and
shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."


AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said
that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and
screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She
pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and
screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."


IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was,
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new
dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by
saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Cartier.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like
that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs

[saturn6]

Have heard better

[rhysbear]

LOL

[I am the devil]

[I am the devil]

[Babylon]

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.

The doctor asked her "What happened?"

She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?"

"The son of a bitch called back."

[I am the devil]

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'You've got mail.'"

[Marcus86]

Funny shit peeps

[I am the devil]

A blonde, brunette and a redhead compete in a breast-stroke swim across the English Channel. The brunette and redhead finish hours ahead of the blonde. When the blonde finally reaches shore, exhausted and gasping for breath, she says: "I think those other two cheated and used their arms!"

________________________________________________________________


A group of blondes walk into a bar. They tell the bartender to give everyone a round of drinks. They then lift their glasses, and in unison say "Here's to 51 days!" and then drink. They request another round, and again, they say, "Here's to 51 days!" before drinking. The bartender, confused by the toast, asks one of the blondes what the significance is. The blond replies "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle that said '2-4 years' on the side of the box, and we finished it in 51 days!"


___________________________________________________________________

The blonde went to the doctor and the doctor asked her how she got the hole in her left hand. She said I wanted to die so I was going to shoot myself. I put the gun up to my chest and thought "This isn't right...I would mess up my $3,000.00 boop job"....I then decided to stick the gun up my nose and thought "This won't work....it will mess up my $2,000.00 nose re-construction"...."so I put the gun to my right ear but I am afraid of noise so I put my left hand over my left ear"


___________________________________________________________________

[Harlequin]

Don't know how true this is but I trust the person who sent it....


>> >>VERY IMPORTANT WARNING
>> >>This is not a joke!
>> >>
>> >>Please Be Extremely Careful especially if using internet mail such as
>> >>Yahoo, Hotmail, AOL and so on. This information arrived this morning
>> >>direct from both Microsoft and Norton. Please send it to everybody you
>> >>know who has access to the Internet. You may receive an apparently
>> >>harmless email with a Power Point presentation "Life is beautiful."
>> >>If you receive it DO NOT OPEN THE FILE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, and
>> >>delete it immediately. If you open this file, a message will appear >on
>> > your
>> >>screen saying:
>> >>"It is too late now, your life is no longer beautiful."
>> >>Subsequently you will LOSE EVERYTHING IN YOUR PC and the person who
>> >>sent it to you will gain access to your name, e-mail and password.
>> >>This is a new virus which started to circulate on Saturday afternoon.
>> > AOL
>> >
>> >>has already confirmed the severity, and the antivirus software's are
>> > not
>> >>capable of destroying it.
>> >>The virus has been created by a hacker who calls himself "life owner."
>> >>PLEASE SEND A COPY OF THIS EMAIL TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS and ask them to
>> > PASS
>> >>IT
>> >>ON IMMEDIATELY.
>> >
>> >
>
****************************************************************************
> ********************
>> > The content of this email (and any attachment) is confidential. It may
>> > also be legally privileged or otherwise protected from disclosure.
>> >
>> > This email should not be used by anyone who is not an original intended
>> > recipient, nor may it be copied or disclosed to anyone who is not an
>> > original intended recipient. If you have received this email by mistake
>> > please notify us by emailing the sender, and then delete the email and
> any
>> > copies from your system.
>> >
>> > Liability cannot be accepted for statements made which are clearly the
>> > senders own and not made on behalf of Network Rail.
>> >

[oolongcha]

This is a hoax, although I'm sure it was passed onto you in good faith.

"Symantec Security Response encourages you to ignore any messages regarding this hoax. It is harmless and is intended only to cause unwarranted concern."

Life Is Beautiful Hoax

[Harlequin]

[lordi rock]

Yea, i got one of them once. Its just a way to get people that normally don't send on chain letters and stuff like that (like me cos i really can't be assed with them) to send them.